My Internal Breathlessness

I choke.
Internally I mean but nonetheless I choke.
Why can't I breath?
I ask those with their hand around my throat,
And yet they choke me.
I want to leave but strong is the hold of the hand that chokes me.
Sometimes I come out for air,
But that leaves me with nothing but fear,
I scamper back to the hand for it to hold me.
The hold is a choke but a choke is a hold and hold is all I really need.

As if I wasn't damaged enough

If bad was what I felt, congratulations!
I now feel worse.
If bruised was what I was, congratulations!
Now I'm bleeding.
If scared was what I was, congratulations!
I am now petrified.
If ever I felt unwanted, congratulations!
Because now I know that I am.

Uncertainty.

They look at you with the kindest eyes
yet behind that lie thousands of lies.
They smile at you as true friends do
but think in their minds if only she knew

 You offer a hug, you offer a shoulder
when they have a problem, you're the best listener
but when it's you're turn
they stand back and watch you burn.

They say to you that they love you
though you doubt it very much you say "I love you too"
Right now, this is how I feel.
So tell me, is our friendship real?