As if I wasn't damaged enough

If bad was what I felt, congratulations!
I now feel worse.
If bruised was what I was, congratulations!
Now I'm bleeding.
If scared was what I was, congratulations!
I am now petrified.
If ever I felt unwanted, congratulations!
Because now I know that I am.

The rebound's rebound

There are two things you should never ever play with: feelings and food.

This week I found myself toying recklessly with both. I had this distorted thought that it might bring me satisfaction to do things out of my nature in hopes to numb myself of the misery I feel inside. Recently I had caught this horrid infection that has been around since the beginning of time - feelings. The fatal kind, unrequited feelings. 

It pains me to admit that I wear my heart on my sleeves and that this wouldn't be the first time, yet I fall over and over and over again. Mentally something clicked or should I say snapped? I'd had enough. I am so tired of being the one who was left feeling void, broken and hurt, what I invested is worth more than money, more than silver or gold, I invested my heart and got nothing back. Now it's my turn to have fun, to break a couple of hearts and test out the bad boys, the type of boys your parents always warned you to stay away from. There will be no emotions and no guilt.

However my plan was flawed. I had always been a good girl, driven by emotions, right and wrong were always as clear as black and white, my values and morals refused to be thrown out of the windows over night. They have been cemented deep into my mind.

I found my first candidate, well he found me which was strangely convenient. The arrangement was rather easy and straight forward, there were not as much complexities as there would have been with feeling involved. We merely wanted to know how we could be of use to each other...scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Talking online was easy, I was in the comfort of my house behind this screen, it was when we met up that I began to think rationally, I didn't want to be there, it was cold and I hadn't eaten anything the whole day but I went ahead. It felt like an out of body experience, it was as if someone else was in control of my limbs and muscles. Without feelings I'm not myself and honestly the whole experience was degrading but I don't regret it, I learned a very valuable lesson.

Here's to the kids...

who love too much,
yet have no one around to touch.
Who question their existence on a daily bases,
as everyone they meet seem to forget their faces.
Who like to express their emotions poems,
but trust no one enough to read them.
That never accept compliments,
but truly believe the negative comments.

Here's to the kids who are waiting...waiting for when it finally gets better.

This is so beautiful...kinda makes me wish I had a proper dad.

Braiding daughter's hair a labor of love

Malcolm London: "High School Training Ground"

http://www.youtube.com/v/_Il70mlj38o?autohide=1&version=3&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=4jLNTSZwNOIkjlGYXC4d9Q&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1

BEAT THE BAILIFF'S COMMON LAW

http://www.youtube.com/v/usdqo6u2AVg?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&feature=share&autohide=1&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=i-mxoCiW8T5zumBYvNQ4tA

Uncertainty.

They look at you with the kindest eyes
yet behind that lie thousands of lies.
They smile at you as true friends do
but think in their minds if only she knew

 You offer a hug, you offer a shoulder
when they have a problem, you're the best listener
but when it's you're turn
they stand back and watch you burn.

They say to you that they love you
though you doubt it very much you say "I love you too"
Right now, this is how I feel.
So tell me, is our friendship real?